SCENE: Beerguy’s basement home office, a room with overfilled bookcases, scattered papers and commemorative beer glasses, bottles and other beer-related paraphernalia. Beerguy sits at his desk deleting Don Tse Tweet-puns and plotting revenge against JVR. A can of the 2023 Unity Brew sits on the desk, beside an empty glass.

BEERGUY: Great. The new Unity Brew, the Alberta Small Brewers’ Association (ASBA) collaboration brew, is officially out today (October 13) to mark the beginning of Alberta Beer Week. Brewed at Alley Kat and co-designed by 60 different breweries, the label says it is a West Coast IPA. Can’t wait to give it a try.

Sound of a can being popped open and beer being poured into a glass.

As Beerguy takes a sip of the beer the lights suddenly start flashing, the theme music of Stranger Things plays and everything briefly turns fuzzy and neon-coloured. As the room settles back to normal there are now TWO beerguys sitting at the desk.

BEERGUY #1: Hey! What happened. [Sees second Beerguy]. Oh, hi! I recognize you. You are Style Curmudgeon Beerguy.

STYLE CURMUDGEON BEERGUY (SCB): Right. And you must be Beer Creativity Beerguy. What’s going on?

BEER CREATIVITY BEERGUY (BCB): It must be because of this beer. The label says it is a West Coast IPA, but it is like no other West Coast I have ever tried. It pours a dark orange colour with a copper accent and forms a loose off-white head with significant lacing. So far so good. However, it has a noticeable haze to it. Fascinating.

SCB: Haze!! Then it is no West Coast IPA. They are supposed to be crystal clear, being the old school style that they are. They must have mislabeled it. It is clearly a New England IPA.

BCB: Give it a sip. That is no Hazy IPA.

SCB: [Takes a sip]. You’re right. I pick up a soft biscuity malt upfront with some berry fruit notes. Hops emerge in the middle with a rounded lemon and sweet orange flavour with some stone fruit in the background. The back end is assertively bitter with a tropical fruit edge, along with some pine. Finish is moderately sweet. Way too bitter for a New England and lacking that softness in the body. What is this?

BCB: I think they were trying to be playful and create a kind of 21st century West Coast IPA, with elements of a New England but with the hop assertiveness of an old school IPA.

SCB: Hogwash! I simply can’t abide by such nonsense. You can’t make a hazy West Coast IPA. It is an oxymoron.

BCB: Maybe think of it as something of a hybrid beer. You are fine with White IPAs and have even made peace with Black IPAs. So why not a hazy West Coast IPA?

SCB: Cascadian Dark Ale, thank you very much. And no, because the flavour profiles are too different. Where is that sharp pine and resiny hop flavour that is the signature of West Coast?

BCB: Instead you get very attractive orange, lemon and tangerine. And you still get that bitterness kick. I think the combination works.

SCB: I concede it is a very enjoyable quaff. I appreciate getting some of that puckering bitterness, you don’t find that much these days. But why do they have to call it West Coast? It got my expectations up.

BCB: Fair point. Style names matter, but brewers are constantly redefining what the styles mean. Maybe this is something new?

SCB: Then call it something new.

BCB: You are set in your ways, old man. How about we call a truce and have another glass of this fine Unity Brew. Did you know all the proceeds go to support the work of ASBA building a strong craft beer industry in Alberta?

SCB: Now you are sounding like an advertisement. Be quiet and pour me a beer.

SCENE FADE TO BLACK

Note: No beerguys were harmed in the creation of this production.